Medals, what the shit. THIS AIN'T NO XBOX LIVE ARCADE GAMERTAG FRIEND LIST PODCAST ACHIEVEMENT. THIS IS THE INTERNETS.

Back when I was a kid the achievement wasn't even beating the game. Most of the endings sucked. The achievement was just playing the game and enjoying the expenditure of your time on a gratifying task.

And hell, a lot of them weren't even that gratifying. I mean, I owned Battletoads on my NES. I'm aware there are people who managed to beat that damn third level, but I'm not one of them. Popping that game in was an inevitably short session of pummeling guys with a yellow stick, then smashing them as a wrecking ball, then bashing my face into stone slabs or falling into a big nasty pit of pink balls until some vulture and an evil bitch told me what a fuck I was and I'd have to start all over again. And let me just tell you, if I had ever beaten that damn stage I would hardly give a shit about unlocking an achievement for it.

But shit, endings were eventually where it's at. When the glory of the 16-bit era shined its light on me, I met actual good characters with deep stories, and a solid ending where they come together at last or are tragically separated could leave me tearing up like a little girl. Even lighthearted endings were good too, if they had some cool music, or a comical scene, or just a final image where the character jumps at you and freezes and you stare at it for a bit and wonder if you're supposed to hit reset or what.

Games may even offer good gear, bonus stages, characters, galleries, multiple endings, etc. to reward you for beating them or fulfilling tasks. This can be fun, but sometimes it's clearly structured to keep you playing the game for days on end, fluffing out an artificial play time. I felt the Soul Calibur games were somewhat guilty of this.

And what reward could be better than sexual imagery? Sometimes the game itself is quite terrible, though, making the labor of unlocking a few cheap pictures or smutty scenes an overall unsatisfying experience. What SEXY NARUTO HENTAI QUIZ WITH PICS is worth the effort when a simple click to Gelbooru.com has you covered? However, games with actual story and characters worth caring about can make this a fun concept. Lunar 1 and 2 pulled this off, throwing in some cute or funny pin-up pics of their girls as obtainable secrets along with good endings, FMVs, blooper reels and even an afterquest in the second game that finished the lingering story. Theoretically speaking, hentai games should be the ultimate gaming reward, but in execution they're usually pretty damn dumb.

Course, there are games where endings aren't really fitting. Some puzzle games, while story modes can be nice, are better suited to a broad, free setup. Endless play, challenge modes, etc. I could see achievements working there, but that's seldom where you see them. I still think the biggest sense of achievement in games like that is trying to break your own records or master new chains, but it could be useful to have the achievement system there to know what you'd done.

But! Truly, the best thing the game can do is record data, and lots of it. Kills, deaths, play time, shots fired, miles traveled, food eaten. That way, it doesn't end when you get the "Kill 1,000 enemies" achievement, because it shouldn't. Games like Smash Bros. and Team Fortress 2 are good about this, giving you achievements to unlock certain features while continuing to record data ad infinitum.

Something like this on Newgrounds would be impossible. The recorded data would simply be kept in the individual flash game, which in some cases it is. Considering that, I'd say the medal system is a neat little feature for what it's worth. But, when you think on the appeal of medals, I think you'd agree that your memories, experiences, personal stories and proudest moments in gaming are usually not the unlocking of fixed awards, though these achievements may hopefully help to create such moments.

Well, I guess that's about it. I'm running on zero sleep, killing time and I just felt like typing my thoughts out for awhile. Leave a reply if you actually read this. (Posting something on my profile unlocks an achievement.)